| i havent wrote in this thing in FOREVER |
[Oct. 18th, 2007|11:42 am] |
Well.. 6 1/2 months and me and Chris are still together. I love him to death. Hes everything to me. Hes the only thing that matters to me. I cant imagine my life without him in it. Its kinda amazing we are still together. We have been through SO much stuff this summer. But it def made us even stronger. I finally found my other half. He is the one for me. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. WHen im not with him. Hes evverything i want, and need. Hes my best friend. Hes always there for me when i need him.
ME and missy arent friends anymore. no loss there. I releized who my REAL friends were.
I started a new job.
well i gotta go get in the shower and go get chris from work. |
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| update |
[May. 23rd, 2007|06:34 pm] |
well... Me and Chris have been dating for almost a month. :-D im really happy with him. Yea i get mad at him sometimes..but im happy. I care about him soo much. i cant even begin to explain it.
Of coarse Jeremy still is being a dick, and trying to mess things up with me and Chris. Im trying to not let that happen.
I really think i love Chris. I miss him so much when hes not around.
UGH tings would be PERFECT if it wasnt for his god damn crazy ass mother. omg i hate that women so much.
annnnyways
Im trying to move out. I cant wait. I hate living with my mom and dad. all they do is bitch at me about eeeeeeverything. it drives me insane.
im looking for a new job.
i washed my car today. and now my back is sunburnt. grrr
well im gonna go watch a movie, cause im bored to death |
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| stressed |
[Apr. 10th, 2007|12:59 pm] |
well me and jeremy ended things once and for all. we gave eachother everything back. i gave him every single thing he ever gave me back..but of coarse he wants to be a dickhead and not give em all my shit back. he says i didnt give him the other necklace he bought me..but i did. I cant beleive how much of a dick he turned into. Just last week he was begging me to go back out with him. I hate him. He wouldnt even fucking come out to bring me my stuff. he sent his step sis out..i k now he did it just to piss me off.
I really really like Chris. After last night...i like im more. He took up for me when Jeremy was screaming at me and wouldnt give me my stuff back.
I dunno if anythings gonna go with this wiht me and Chris. When people ask if im 'his girl' he sayd yeah somethign like that. we are just fucking around right now. i want to be with him. hes one of the reasons i left jeremy
well i gotta go get ready for work.
ttyl
<33 |
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| ugh |
[Mar. 25th, 2007|11:54 pm] |
well..me and jeremy got back together...well..we just broke up again the other day. we have been constantly fighting..for like 2 weeks straight every single day. soo its for the best for now.
i started kinda talking to this boy chris. i am sooo confused. the main reason i didnt want to be with jeremy was cause of chris, and i have this feeling that he likes missy. i dont know what to do. i like him alot. i dont wanna ask him. ugh i hate guys. i really really do
i got my tattoo finished. it hurt sooo bad. the palm tree didnt hurt..but friday when i got the rest..OMG iit hurt sooooooo bad lol
well im gonna go.
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| boots in back |
[Feb. 27th, 2007|10:15 am] |
Well I broke up with Jeremy. We were doing really good. But it was just too much. It got WAY too serious and i couldnt take it anymore. So i told him i needed a break.
lol i feel bad cause hes so hurt..but i gotta do..what i gotta do. haha |
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| grrr |
[Jan. 25th, 2007|11:21 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | my ro0om | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  grumpy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | TV-The Guardian | ] |
im kinda annoyed right now. lol im so tired of hearing people say to me..."you dont wanna hang out with us anymore" all because i dont feel like driving around and doing nothng, and geting drunk constantly.
Me and Jeremy are doing soooo much better now. I dont thnk i've ever been this happy before. My couisn gets mad at me cause i go over his house everynight after work. she thinks im ditching her and missy But its okay for her to see her boyfriend every day. but its not okay for me. ugh it makes me so mad.
And she wants to get drunk all the time now..and i dont. Yeah for a few months i was drinking alot and all..but it got old
Me and Jeremy are thinking about getting a place together. I havent told anyone yet though. We arent gonna do it until spring or summer time though..if we are still together. lol i dont think my moms gonna be too happy about that one.
I dont go to school anymore. i hated it. i couldnt stand it at all. so yea i dunno what the hell im gonna do
Someone reareded me on sunday. and now i gotta go to the damn lawyers caused they are being dicks and dont wanna get my damn car fixed
well im done complaining., im gonna go watch the gaurdian. |
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| wow |
[Dec. 11th, 2006|12:11 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | my room | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the tv | ] |
damn its been like forever since i wrote in here.
lets see here..
umm me and jeremy broke up. then got back together like a week later. and then we broke up again like 2 weeks ago. we still talk and all.. we are trying to work things out.. i dunno how well thats going though. lol
umm school..SUCKS. im not going back next semester. i hate it. god i cant explain how much i hate it.
umm i hang out with missy and my cousin Ash like every day now.
WHO CARES??!? we are young. we are having fun. so whatever./\go
me and steph dont really talkk anymore. shes all mad cause me missy and ash drink like every weekend. but i see it as..this..
umm Waynes like completely outta the picture. which is good..but its really hard. i miss him so freaking much omg.
Me and ray..i dont even know whats goign on there. lol
im sick as shit. i dont kno whats wrong. i should go to the doctors. but im such a stubborn one sometimes. lol
well i think thats really all thats new. |
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| wow |
[Oct. 5th, 2006|11:31 pm] |
Oh My goodness.. oh boy have i gotten myself into a situation this time. lol sooo here it is....I got a boyfriend...his name is Jeremy. :( i feel horrible...i cheat on him all the time *sigh* hes liek the greatest guy ever. and im cheating onhim. lol i've cheated on him with two guys already and ive only been with him for alittle over a month.
Theres this guy..Ray. Hes cool. I went over his house tonight.
And gtheres this guy TJ...he wants to to chill..lol
its too much to write....
i wrecked my car. :( hopefully its not totalled....duno yet tho |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 28th, 2006|04:29 pm] |
I havent in here in a while..osoo
yeah Yesterday was my birthday :) im 18 now!! whoohooo! I got super super drunk saturday for my birthday and then spent my birthday in bed lol but it was still good i guess
ummm I started college today. I like it. Its really..laid back..its not what i expected at all.
umm I think me and Wayne..are done.
Theres a new guy. His names Jeremy. Things are still new though, so im not gonna go into detail about him just yet. Hes a sweetheart though. He was gonan buy me $125 roses! i was like theres no way in hell your spending that muc money on me! We are going on a date on Friday. :-) i dunno..we'll see how things go.
thats all for now i dont feel liek typing anymore |
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| ugh! |
[Aug. 14th, 2006|10:43 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  stressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | nothing | ] |
Every single fucking time things are great with me and wayne..SOMEONE has to fuck it up. i swear. EVERY SINGLE TIME.
I dont understand. Things had never been so good. We were getting along soooo good.
And then my fucking Brother had to go and tell my mom About Wayne. And how he was a dope head and hes trouble and a bunch of shit.
I dont think i've cried that much in a long ass time.
Omg i was so upset.
I told my brother that he went to rehab and got clean and has been clean and he promised me that he would stay clean.
I was soo upset. And so i just kinda didnt talk..whcih everyone knows thats how i get when im upset. And cause of that..me and Wayne got into an arguement. I was like Im sorry! I have a lot on my mind right now i just want to be left alone. and he was all like yeah i can tell you wont even touch me! and i just looked at him he was liek okay im sorry....hats wrong? and i was like im sorry if it bothers me that i may not be able to see you again and he was like do you really think that your mom would do that? and i was like Yes i really do. and he was like Just tell her im clean. and i was like Wayne you dont know my mom i know how she is. I dont wanna lose you..Thiongs are very very bad right now. And so i got him to stay out a lil later then i dropped him off..and i broke down crying for a good half houe straight. I called Rose and told her all about it..and just drove around til i got enough nerve to go home.
I finally went home and i told my mom that Wayne did do drugs..but he DID go to rehab and is clean and he promised me he wouldnt mess with it anymore
and she gave me the trust speech.
I was so worried i wasnt gonna be able to see him anymore. I told him that my mom couldnt keep me from him. And he was liek No..i have gotten you in enough trouble..i dont want you to have to sneek around to see me on top of it all. what if they find out? and i was like Wayne..I do Not care what they say. Im not gonna stop seeign you. I will just lie to them. and he was liek you'd do that for me? and i was liek Yeah. I would. Soo i guess if they dont want me lying to them..they wont make me stop/ and he was like i guess you got a point..but i will understand and i was like No. I dont wanna hear that Wayne. Its not gonna happen. We will still see eachother I swear to you. I will no let this get in the way..things are finally working out for us and im not gonna let this ruin it. Im so happy finally..and i dont want that to end. and it wont. and he was liek okay. Well if you need me im here..and then he was liek im so sorry. I wish i woulda never gfot you involved in all this shit and i was like dont be sorry. I want to be here. And i got all upset againa nd i was liek can we just drop this?
I havent talked to him today yet. We are supposed to hang out tonight. I gotta go to school for some dumb orientation at 12. lol I should prolly go take a shower now.
Yeah im gonna go.
tootles.
<333 |
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| blahhh |
[Aug. 11th, 2006|09:22 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  happy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | if me sneezing counts..then that | ] |
Omg, I feel like shit. Im soo sick. I cant stop coughing sneezing sniffling. lol i hate being sick!!!
Things with me and Wayne are kinda..confusing right now. :-\ I dont know whats going on. lol we were all talking last night...me him justin and chelsea..and me and justin started talking about how me and him almost went out...and i could tell Wayne was getting alil bad about it..he hated when me and justin were talking..and then wayne got an attitude and started talking about this girl lindsay how he missed her so much and he looked at me and was like..dont take it the wrong way please dont get mad at me..and then chelsea was like why sould she get mad? and wayne was liek me and her used to go out..but I cheated on her..soo we broke up. And Now..she will never go back out with me cause i cheated on her..and i just looked at him and he looked at me..and i was liek ha ok. and i just dropped it..i didnt really wanna get into that conversation right then and there....
Then later on that night.. we kissed. and he was like i really do miss you.
He SAYS he broke up with Brie. He kicked her out like a week and a half ago.. But they still work together. but shes about to quit. who knows.
Lol it was kinda a relief when he told me that. Now i cant feel AS bad. lol cause he told me that they were broken up. lol Before i felt bad cause I thought they were still together, and i was still trying to get back with him. lol BUUUUT now its a different story. yippee!
UGHH god i really wish i didnt have to go to work.
I was supposed to go get my nails done yesterday..cause i had off..but i layed on my couch and watched tv and slept ALL day until 4:00 when i had to get up and get ready for school. I never ever can sit and just watch tv and fal asleep wake up watch some more tv fall back alseep watch more tv go back to sleep all day long. And i wasnt gonna go out last night after school..but we all know how i am when Wayne calls me lol. Soo i hung out with him. lol I Hadn't seen him in like 2 days...soo i really wanted too see him. ugh im a sucker. lol
He might spend the night at my house one day next week. My mom and dad are going on vacation and im staying hooome:) lol I just gotta find a way to get my brother to not come home. lol and even if he did come home.. i could still easily get away with it. He dont come home til like at least 4 in the morning..and when he came home all i would have to do is get Wayne to go into my room until my brother went to sleep..and then wayne could come back downstairs. lol I dunno....We'll see how that one goes..
well i gotta go and get ready to leave for a fun day of Work. |
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| I love him:) |
[Aug. 7th, 2006|02:12 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | happy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Letoya-She Don't | ] |
I dont even know where to start.
Waynes outta rehab. He only went for 7 days. NOT 28 days. lol He came into my work yesterday and we talked for a bit. He was liek I gotta new cell fone and all. ANd he was liek gimme a call when u get off soo we can chill.
Well i went home and he called me lol.
We got along SOOOO good yesterday. it was great I wish it was always like that. He said he was clean. HA. yeah thats a lie..but i give up worrying and trying to get him to stop.
I love him so much. god.
:) last night he was all calling me Babe, and sweetheart and all that stuff he used too and he kept putting his hand on my leg and rubbing my neck and my back and all.
Its soo weird how he can make me SOOOO happy. and yet..he can make me SOOO miserable just as fast.
:) i hope things work out this time. I hate fighting with him. I reeeally reeeally do.
Man..i think back to when we first started talking..the very end of Decemeber.. I never woulda thought we would still be messing around and shit this long. I thought it was gonna be one of those week or two week things and then that would be it. I never expected it to last this long.
lol I think back to like our first date..on News Year Eve. and then Now..wow things sure have changed. lol then i thought he was like the answer to my prayers, i thought he was prince charming. lol NOW..whoa i know the real him..and yet..i still want to be with him...crazee
well i gotta go my dads having a crazee attack and wont stop yelling for me
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| wtf |
[Aug. 4th, 2006|10:34 pm] |
I am sooo unbeleivably confused right now..soo i wrote earlier today how Justin came into my work and told me Wayne got sent to rehab..
well tonight..me adn Rose were outside of the mall about to leave..we were standing aroudn talking to blue..when all of a sudden...WAYNE and his mom walk out! i was like in complete shock! he waved at me. and i smiled and waved back to him and he kept walking. I didnt know waht to do. i was sooo confused..i still am.
soo i dunno if he went or not...oh my goodness.
I love him so much. God it makes me go crazee i love him so much. Never in a million years would i have thought i would love him..but. i do. I love him. Theres no fighting it, denying it or anything. I cant do it anymore. *sigh*
I dunno what to think.
I dunno what to do.
Hopefully he calls me or something... im not gonna be able to sleep or anything tonight. |
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| sad |
[Aug. 3rd, 2006|10:18 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sad | ] |
| [ | music |
| | something weird on tv | ] |
Justin came into my work today and was like soo ya heard from wayne? and i was liek no..i havent heard from him since last week..and he was like..he got sent to rehab.
:( He is back in the rehab center he was in before..the one he was in like right before me and him got together. Hes in there for 28 days. Justin said hes been in there for almost a week.
I cant beleive it. He stole his dads $600 drill and pawned it. And when his dad found out..he snapped and sent him there.
His mom and Dad were only gonna make him go to an outpatient one again..until he did that..
But..MAYBE this is what he needs. maybne he will actually get clean..AND STAY clean this time.
Because NOTHING else has helped him. I worry about him so much. Hes getting really really bad at it lately. Worse then before. :-\
*sigh* i really hope he does okay.
I cant tell my mom and dad hes in rehab. they are gonna drive me crazee asking why im not with him. I think im just gonna tell them we talk still just we both havent had time to hang out or something.
anywho... Me and Rose are hanging out tomorrow! we never hang out anymore. its kinda sad. lol We are going to the movies. Matt might come with us too. :-D which makes me veeeeery happy!
I think that one guy that works at the road house thinks me and wayne go out. One day me and Wayne were hanging out..and we went to my work.. and He was in there and he seen me and Wayne together. He hugged me, and i think Wayne might have gave him a dirty look or something...cause thats the way wayne is... and ever since that day...hes acted sooo weird. he used to flirt with me and come see me all the time..and now..its all changed.
UGHH boys. i swear they are driving me INSANE. |
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| sad |
[Jul. 27th, 2006|11:49 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | sad | ] |
| [ | music |
| | nothing | ] |
Soo i tried to stop talking to wayne. Its too much to handle. it really is. I get soo upset because of him.
But like always..
that didnt last long. lol it lasted almost a week lol
I love him.
i tried to fight it and ignore it and hope it goes away..but..it aint.
:-\ ughhh lol sometimes i wish i woulda never met him. but sometimes im glad i did.
I havent talked to Matt in a while. :( i duno why. lol
ugh i got myself in yet another psycho boy situation. lol he wont stop calling me and shit! lol i feel bad. Im gonna wait like another day or two and im gonna just tell him im not ready for a boyfriend yet. lol maybe he will leave me alone.
That one guy that works at the road house.. is acting reallt weird now. I think he thinks me and Wayne go out. cause thats when he started actign weird. One day me and Wayne went up to my work together..and i seen him..and he came over to me and gave me a hug and we talked for a few minutes..and wayne was ith me...and then liek the next day...he started acting way different. lol it makes me kinda sad. :( im not gonna be like..ya know me and that boy u saw me with dont go out lol
ughh guys i swear..they are going to seriosuly SET ME CRAZEEEEEE |
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| yet again |
[Jul. 14th, 2006|12:37 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  confused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Saved by the Bell on TV | ] |
Wayne wants to take me to the movies tonight. He was like I get paid tomorrow...soo im gonna take you out somewheres, either to get some food or to the movies which ever you want and i was like um the movies. and he was liek okay, yeahn see now i can actually take you places cause i got a job. I love him. <3 i dunno what to dooooo
Im miserable with him, and im miserable without him. lol i cant win.
We can't be together, I dont trust him. And we really cant get along when we are together. When we are just friends or talking or whatever.. we are fine. we get along great, we never fight or anything.
But i hate not being with him.
My mom and Dad are mad at me cause im hanging out with him again. We got into a arugement the other day. I told them i was gonna hang out with him either way. My mom was like i cant beleive you would take him back yet again. And i was like Mom..theres not really anything going on, we are just hanging out. Calm Down. and she was like Well you must feel something for him, you jump at the chance to be with him every time, and i was like yeah, I do still like him, alot. But that dont mean anything..we are just friends for now. and then we just got into this big fight. And then my dad threatened to take my car away, and my mom was like thats stupid..you are not gonna take her car away from her just cause you dont like who shes hanging out with. You got that car for her, for graduating..and she did that, so its hers.
and besides she would prooooolly just find another way to go see him. and i started laughing. And then i just got tired of hearing them bitch about it and went inside.
I was supposed to hang out with Matt tonight. *sigh* But i guess thats not happening. lol i cant be a player. lol im too bad at this. lol mmm Maybe wayne will whore me up and then i can go see Matt! lol noo then i would be sad and all kinds of mad. lol
UGHHHHH GOD!!!!!!! i dont know what to do! :( i hate guys.
Well im gonna go.
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| :-D |
[Jul. 12th, 2006|11:50 pm] |
Okay, sooo I hung out with Wayne today. lol I wish i could get him outta my life. I really do. But i can't. I want to be with him soo bad. But I know we can't. UGHHH its SOO aggervating
I talked to Matt tonight<3 thats why im not in my shitty ass Wayne mood. lol i REALLY like Matt. I swear...hes like the sweetest guy in the world. :) he puts a smile on my face all the time. We talked for like an hour. He wants me to call him tomorrow. He wanted me to go with him tomorrow when he goes to get his tattoo..but I gotta work..and then im supposed to go hang out with my cousin..but we might not..cause some of our plans fell through. But We'll see. I asked him to hang out on Friday. He said he wants too..but he can promise anything, cause he MIGHT get called into work..but we'll see about that too..
I really really like him.
lol why is it...when I start talking to one of them (wayne or matt) then the other one comes back too and then i gotta choose again. Well THIS TIME....Im choosing Matt. Lol Last time I choose Wayne. No wait, last time it was Matt..but then i just fuck it and went back with Wayne lol. THIS TIME..if things go right and all..I will stick with Matt..and stay away from Wayne as long as me and Matt are together. i could Never in a million years cheat on Matt. Now Wayne..yeah i prolly could cheat on him.
If i measure it up..yeah I do care more about Wayne then Matt...BUT.. Matt is SOooooo much better for me. And I can trust Matt. And i can actually see somethign going with Matt.
With Wayne.. I love him. But...me and him..cant be together. We argue WAY too much when we are together. and i dont trust him. I STILL dont. and i prolly never will. And i know he will never change. I want him to change, i want to be with him sooo bad. But....i fight it.
boys. i swear lol
I really hope me and Matt can hang out on friday. or maaaaybe even tomorrow :)
ok well im gonan go cause im FREEZING! |
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| GRR |
[Jul. 11th, 2006|11:09 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bored | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Cassie- Me & U | ] |
Well..i havent talked to Wayne. :-\ i think i messed things up. But oh well i guess.... lol hopefully he'll call...if not..okay, i can deal with it..i always do lol
Ummmm...nothing new has really happened.
Me and my cousin Ashley have been getting really close lately. lol i never woulda thought. cause we used to like not talk at all..when we were little.we were ALWAYS together. lol if i wasnt at her house...she was at mine.. but then as we got older..we stopped talking. and now..we are talking again..and we hung out last night, and we are supposed to hang out thursday.
Brandee comes home sometime this week. I dunno when though.
Im really tired. I wish i didnt have to go into work. or even just not until like 2 so i could go back to sleep for a little while.
Im trying to talk to this guy that works at the road house. lol hes soo sweet. but good lord is it hard. cause like whenever he comes in..we get busy so i cant really talk to him..and we have way different schedules. lol i gave him my number..but he hasnt called. He wqas supposed to the night before 4th ofJuly..and he came in my work like that Saturday..and i was like soo yeah..that was a real nice fone call! and he was like omg im soo sorry babe..i was sooo drunk trust me i did you a favor lol and i was like uh oh okkkk suure i see how it is and he was like aw come on you know it aint like that.
this guy was friends with that OTHER wayne i messed with..for like 4 days. lol
I miss Justin. I wanna start chilling with him again. lol but my luck..i'll start to like him again or something. lol
okay well i gotta finish getting ready for stupid work.
<3333 |
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| why dont i just give up? |
[Jul. 6th, 2006|10:37 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  uncomfortable | ] |
| [ | music |
| | notta thing | ] |
Okay...soo I thought me and Wayne were done again..cause yeah i know him.. We start talking again, and hanging out and i get all happy and shit..and then...he disappears. well...that was the chase yet again...well i thought. But..he called me today..but i was at work..soo i called him back when i got a chance. But he wasnt home..but some girl answered, which im pretty sure it was Brie.
I was liek SHIT. i didnt know what to do.. I didnt want to tell her it was me..but i did..i was like..is wayne there? and she as like no and i was just about to say ok thanks bye and as i said ok she was l iek can i take a message? and i was like uhhhh tell him kim called..thanks. and i could tell she was mad. i was like Shit shit shit
I mean.. yeah we are talking again.. but i dunno where its gonna go from there..and i really dont wanna hear wayne saying shit to me about it. Im soo tired of all that shit. I mean nothing has happened yet with me and Wayne.
UGH i was hoping..that just MAYBE they were broken up. this makes it even worse! Cause i cant stay away from him. and hes no help. He is the one that ALWAYS calls me to hang out. and I dont hang all over him or anything. We sit next to eachother. ANd we'ce hugged..thats as far as it has went. I will not make any moves. Sooo..if ANYTHING does happen..its his fault. lol and he knows how much i like him..soo he knows i wont stop it.
But ANYWAYS....
lol im gonna try to talk to his one guy that works at the road house. lol he was friends with the OTHER Wayne..lol the one i dated for like 3 days. yeah. hes such a sweetheart. :) and hes so cute lol.
i gotta do something to get my mind off of Wayne. he is driving me INSANE.
well i gotta headache and im pretty hungry sooo im gonna go fix that :-D |
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| hmm? |
[Jul. 1st, 2006|10:54 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  flirty | ] |
| [ | music |
| | just me typing | ] |
I hung out with Wayne again today. Its great. I love being around him. I think he lied to me today.. i can almost gaurantee it..but i really aint gonna get into it. im going to just TRY to stay positive even though i am like 99.8% sure im right. But whatev!
We hang out like everyday. It feels liek we are back together sometimes..and then sometimes it dont. ugh im SOOO confused! lol i dont know what the hell is going on with us.
I can be with him for hours and hours and still not want to leave. like tonight. ughh i was soo mad at like 10:30 his cousin was bitching cause he wanted to go home.
We are supposed to hang out tomorrow too lol but i gotta go get my hair done, and wash my car..and hes gotta go help his dad with some work..and then after all that..we are hanging out.
ahh im soo happy right now.
and yet
im kinda sad, but only cause i dont know exactly whats going on. but like i said before.. i gotta take it one step at a time.
I think its better this way..we didnt take our time the first time. So maybe its a good thing that was are this time? lol Maybe..the THIRD time will be the charm? HA i doubt it..but you all know me.. im surely gonna take it lol |
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